I never really considered myself a bad influence. Well, right now, one mother is probably thinking I am. Several weeks ago, Rick approached me with questions about piercings. He said he was thinking of getting his eyebrow done. I told him I would take him to my piercer Josh at Exotica Body Art Studio. After that, it was only mentioned here or there. I figured he decided not to do it.

Well, today was the day. We payed Josh a little visit and Rick got some metal installed. Of course, like I told him repeatedly, it did not hurt. He is very happy with his new discovery of body modification, although I think it might be a while before he delves into the Labret he talked about or some ink. We shall see.

The headlight problem turned out to be a little more complex than I had anticipated. Whoever designed the engine compartment of the 1996 Honda Civic failed to take into consideration the installation and removal of the driver-side headlamp when placing large objects that do not remove easily directly behind it. This process of taking the power plug off, removing and replacing the lamp and plugging the power back in is quite a feat. Last time it took me two greasy hands, one bloody finger and about thirty to forty-five minutes.

I suspect that because the high beam of the bunk headlamp still works when asked to, that the wires connected to the low beam are simply not working. In any event, I have not been particularly looking forward to this project and therefore, like a good boy, have been putting it off.

Driving towards my destination, I peer in the rear-view and what do I see? Yes, more officers coming to get me.

Another bored Altamonte Springs city cop, he was not as nice as the others were. He looked rather young, too. Either way he must have been a rookie because he had to radio in my tag, driver's license and information rather than just use a laptop in his car connected to the FCIC/NCIC/DHSMV network.

Law Enforcement Officer: Good evening. May I have your driver's license and insurance.

Me: Sure. May I ask what this is about?

LEO: Yeah, your headlight's out.

Me: Yes, I know. I need to repair it.

LEO: Is your license suspended for any reason?

Me: Uh, no.

LEO: Ok, hold tight.

At this point, the LEO walks back to his car, sits on his hood (of his police-issued Chevrolet Impala … mmm … Impala) and radios in my information. He walks back to me, patiently sitting in my car waiting for him to wish me a good night. No, the third pullover could not possible be that easy!

LEO: Do you have any guns, drugs or weapons in the car?

Me: Uh, no.

LEO: Would you object to my searching your vehicle for illegal substances and items?

Me: Why, yes, actually I would object. I do not have anything illegal in this car. You would just be wasting both of our time.

LEO: *stares, somewhat shocked I refused*

Me: If I refuse, how does that affect this situation?

LEO: Well, it could be interpreted as coercion if I told you that, but since you seem pretty cool, I will tell you. If you consent to my search and I find nothing, you leave here and go on your way. If you do not consent to the search, I detain you, call the K9 unit out and they do a search of your car. Plus, as that search is taking place, I write you out a citation for the faulty equipment.

Me: You are an asshole! Fine, search the car.

I exit my car and stand where he tells me to stand. He gets ready to get inside and then stops to tell me this…

LEO: Let me explain something else, too. If you tell me right now that you have something in this car, you will get a notice to appear for a misdemeanour. That is all. If I find anything and you did not tell me about it, you are going to jail. Ok?

Me: *nods* Yup, sure.

LEO: Now, I know I am not going to find anything because you do not seem like the type.

Me: Well, fuck you buddy. Why the hell are you searching my fucking car then? *snicker*

He searches the seats, floor and centre console with his little flashlight while I stand by watching. More amused than pissed actually, but only slightly. He exits the car after a minute or two.

LEO: Well, if you had anything in there, which I believe you don't, I could not find it. Plus, my flashlight just died. So, here is your driver's license and stuff back.

Me: Ok, thanks. *roll eyes*

We chatted for another moment because I felt it necessary to feel like I was testing him. I admitted I was already familiar with his ability to search my vehicle regardless because he did indeed have probable cause to initiate the traffic stop. He was a little shocked when I started throwing his LEO terms right back at him. After that, he got a little nicer, but I was leaving anyway. I waved to him as I drove off. Pompous dick.

I am surprised he did not arrest me anyway for "suspicion of terrorism" and hold me without the benefit of due process, counsel or being formally charged. Oh, wait. That is a rant an entry for another day.

So you are saying to yourself, "I thought he said the other day he was going to replace that malfunctioning headlamp. In fact, I know he did. It was on his list of Things To Do. So, uh, WTF?"

Yes, it is true: I was pulled over by the police — again, but this time by the Casselberry Police Department. Same as before, the officer was very polite, simply pointed out my defunct equipment, checked my driver's license status and sent me on my way. "Probably just needs a new bulb; no big deal," he says. Actually, no.

See, the reason I was still driving with the bunk lamp was that just hours before it had been working perfectly. I decided my very dirty car needed a good washing, so I drove up in the grass and washed it front to back. Afterwards, I opened the hood to investigate the light and discovered it was still working after I hit the bracket that holds the lamp cover. Problem solved, or so I thought. Apparently, the wires and/or plug that provide power to the lamp are in need of some attention, because as soon as I head out to meet some people for a chat and a beverage, out goes the lamp.

As much as I love having these little friendly chats with the men and women of law enforcement, my new list of things to do today includes doing whatever it takes to make that lamp come on, stay on and let the police get back to the real work to be done.

You know, like catching murderers and rapists and all that small stuff.

I went last evening to see the new Spielberg/DreamWorks release, Catch Me If You Can. I must say, it has been a long time since a movie impressed me as much as this one did. I was also very surprised to learn, and even more so as the movie progressed, that the events were based upon the true-life story of Frank Abagnale Jr., the main character as played by a surprisingly good Leonardo DiCaprio. He is being chased by the FBI's lead check fraud agent Carl Hanratty (an interestingly accented Tom Hanks) throughout the 1960's. Favourite Christopher Walken plays Frank Abagnale, Sr., and actually has a fair share of dialogue as a non-psychologically disturbed person, a welcomed change from the seemingly semi-regular fare of the seasoned actor.

I was impressed from the word go. The opening title sequence, a series of well-done animations depicting and foreshadowing the chase of the movie, is done in true late 1950 to 1960's styling, even down to the fonts used. Of particular amusement was the use of the font from era LP albums indicating the recording was in "stereo." That font is one of my personal favourites and found a good life-after-death in the title sequence.

The rest of the style of the movie, the shots and transitions used, the focused and very thought-out, but not distracting lighting all really combined considerably with a humorously written screenplay to play out a very entertaining two hours, twenty minutes of film. It was also very nice to hear a good John Williams score that fit the panache of the movie and did not sound like every other score he has produced.

I stopped on my way home at Steak 'n Shake to meet a friend (Rick) and have my meal for the day (at 0320, mind you). After eating and chatting for a bit, Rick and I retired to our vehicles and began the short ride home. As we approach the Interstate 4 interchange, a local city cop pulled in front of us and began driving rather slowly. Knowing I currently had a burnt-out driver's side headlamp, Rick pulled in front of me to block the view of my car from the officer. Well, because the cop kept slowing down more and more, I decided to pull around Rick to his right, effectively placing Rick's vehicle between the cop and myself. It did not work; the cop slowed and pulled in right behind me.

*Ring*

I answer Rick's call with, "Yup, anytime now! He's running my tag as we speak!" Just about the time I finished saying that, on come the lights. Rick and I arrange a meeting place for after this fun and I pull over into a shopping centre.

The typical exchange happens and the officer very politely points out my headlamp issue to which I reply I knew it was broken and speculated it happened that day (I was actually aware and simply lazy about changing it since Thursday, but he did not need to know that). He asked for my driver's license, insurance card and registration. The first two were an easy find, tucked in my wallet. But I had a little more trouble with the registration.

Recently changed from a long, yellow form to a little white card that blends very nicely with all the other junk I have managed to collect in my glove box and centre console, the registration form is damn hard to locate. He retreats to his squad car to run my driver's license and tells me to stick the registration out the window when I find it. Well, he comes back to my car and I still have not found it. I joke with him about how the new ones are hard to find and he says, "Well, you know, I am just going to take your word on the fact you have it. Take care of the headlight and have a safe morning."

Today's To Do List:

• Mow Lawn
• Clean Bathroom
• Replace Headlamps
• Locate God Damn Registration Card

Inspired from the non-bomb scare, I decided that when I never finally get a little musical group together (even if for one fucking evening), I would like to be called "The Industrial Magnets."

I got a fur up my ass tonight and made the following, basically a CD album cover for the non-existent band. Let me know what you think (keeping mindful it is a scaled-down version of the original 700k Photoshop file).

[ view image ]