The headlight problem turned out to be a little more complex than I had anticipated. Whoever designed the engine compartment of the 1996 Honda Civic failed to take into consideration the installation and removal of the driver-side headlamp when placing large objects that do not remove easily directly behind it. This process of taking the power plug off, removing and replacing the lamp and plugging the power back in is quite a feat. Last time it took me two greasy hands, one bloody finger and about thirty to forty-five minutes.

I suspect that because the high beam of the bunk headlamp still works when asked to, that the wires connected to the low beam are simply not working. In any event, I have not been particularly looking forward to this project and therefore, like a good boy, have been putting it off.

Driving towards my destination, I peer in the rear-view and what do I see? Yes, more officers coming to get me.

Another bored Altamonte Springs city cop, he was not as nice as the others were. He looked rather young, too. Either way he must have been a rookie because he had to radio in my tag, driver’s license and information rather than just use a laptop in his car connected to the FCIC/NCIC/DHSMV network.

Law Enforcement Officer: Good evening. May I have your driver’s license and insurance.

Me: Sure. May I ask what this is about?

LEO: Yeah, your headlight’s out.

Me: Yes, I know. I need to repair it.

LEO: Is your license suspended for any reason?

Me: Uh, no.

LEO: Ok, hold tight.

At this point, the LEO walks back to his car, sits on his hood (of his police-issued Chevrolet Impala … mmm … Impala) and radios in my information. He walks back to me, patiently sitting in my car waiting for him to wish me a good night. No, the third pullover could not possible be that easy!

LEO: Do you have any guns, drugs or weapons in the car?

Me: Uh, no.

LEO: Would you object to my searching your vehicle for illegal substances and items?

Me: Why, yes, actually I would object. I do not have anything illegal in this car. You would just be wasting both of our time.

LEO: *stares, somewhat shocked I refused*

Me: If I refuse, how does that affect this situation?

LEO: Well, it could be interpreted as coercion if I told you that, but since you seem pretty cool, I will tell you. If you consent to my search and I find nothing, you leave here and go on your way. If you do not consent to the search, I detain you, call the K9 unit out and they do a search of your car. Plus, as that search is taking place, I write you out a citation for the faulty equipment.

Me: You are an asshole! Fine, search the car.

I exit my car and stand where he tells me to stand. He gets ready to get inside and then stops to tell me this…

LEO: Let me explain something else, too. If you tell me right now that you have something in this car, you will get a notice to appear for a misdemeanour. That is all. If I find anything and you did not tell me about it, you are going to jail. Ok?

Me: *nods* Yup, sure.

LEO: Now, I know I am not going to find anything because you do not seem like the type.

Me: Well, fuck you buddy. Why the hell are you searching my fucking car then? *snicker*

He searches the seats, floor and centre console with his little flashlight while I stand by watching. More amused than pissed actually, but only slightly. He exits the car after a minute or two.

LEO: Well, if you had anything in there, which I believe you don’t, I could not find it. Plus, my flashlight just died. So, here is your driver’s license and stuff back.

Me: Ok, thanks. *roll eyes*

We chatted for another moment because I felt it necessary to feel like I was testing him. I admitted I was already familiar with his ability to search my vehicle regardless because he did indeed have probable cause to initiate the traffic stop. He was a little shocked when I started throwing his LEO terms right back at him. After that, he got a little nicer, but I was leaving anyway. I waved to him as I drove off. Pompous dick.

I am surprised he did not arrest me anyway for “suspicion of terrorism” and hold me without the benefit of due process, counsel or being formally charged. Oh, wait. That is a rant an entry for another day.

One Comment on “Police Love Me, Part II”

1. FSUpaintball
   

   I would have kicked the shit out of him.

   Well, no. But I would have given him a glare that was slightly suggestive of me being somewhat angry in some sort of fashion.

   Who am I kidding? I would have started crying and ran off into the brush, even though I wouldn’t have any drugs in the car…

   …I think I need some sleep now.

   
   Tuesday, 14 January 2003, 1553   Hyperlink

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